I'm No Longer Vegan - Eating Meat Again

Here’s the deal. It’s no secret that I haven’t been feeling well for a long time. If you know anything about me and my life lately then you know this; I’ve tried everything under the sun. I’ve spent so much time and even more money on trying to figure things out and heal my body. It’s just not working. I know healing takes time, I’ve been trying to heal my body for years now. And the fact that I’m only getting worse means that I have to do things that I haven’t tried yet. Before we get any deeper into this I’ll just come out and say it.

I’m going to try to eat meat again.

I truly never thought that I would say that. I never even wanted that. I don’t even want that now. But here’s the thing, I must try whatever I can to heal my body. This isn’t something I have done for over 5 years and that fact alone makes me feel like it’s something that is worth a shot.

This is hard for me for many reasons. I initially went vegan for the ethics. I still feel a strong connection to those ethics. Eating meat again has been a struggle that I know I need to pursue.

It all started in 2017. From 2013 when I first went vegan to the end of 2016 I felt good. I was gluten free and vegan, and I’d say I was thriving. Something changed in the beginning of 2017 and I don’t know what it was but I wasn’t thriving anymore, not in the least. I was struggling, bad. I saw doctors, had blood levels tested, and nothing gave me answers. I eventually started eating gluten again and it didn’t make me feel worse so I kept doing it. Around the same time I started to think about meat. I didn’t crave it or want it, but it just kept popping up in my radar. I saw other bloggers drop the vegan label and begin to eat meat again. It sparked a curiosity in me. I connected with one or two of these bloggers via email and their kindness really helped me to take off my vegan blinders and see new perspectives.

That’s the thing, when you first become vegan all of the information seems so shocking and appalls you to the point where you feel this deep desire to share your knowledge with everyone else. It’s traumatic in a way, really. I get why certain vegans can act the way that they do. I really get it. But I also don’t think that it’s necessarily a good perspective or way to be in the world. If it wasn’t for the hardcore vegans and the people who make the fact that I have been vegan for the past five years such a big deal, then I wouldn’t be writing this secretly and not knowing when I’d be sharing it.

Anyways, it’s 2017 and I’m just pondering the idea of eating meat but not really having any desire to seek it out. I was never a big meat eater anyways. I didn’t like any meats except chicken and turkey. So giving up meat wasn’t a huge deal to me. I started to follow Instagram accounts that ate meat. Before this I only followed exclusively vegan accounts. It sounds stupid, but now I was open to the idea of having some content including meat on my feed. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but I can look back and see that it was somewhat preparatory for me. Seeing that others were eating primarily plant based with some meat in their diet was something that I really think helped me to transform my views even more. Fast forward to this year when my health is at an all time low. I thought about meat casually but it was something truly didn’t think would happen. September rolls around and things amp up a notch. Now I’m thinking about it and actually considering it. It’s interesting to me because on one hand I have no desire and because of ethics, but on the other hand I am sick af and I am educating myself on responsible meat consumption. I feel like I am being ripped in two.

Ultimately, I know what I need to do. And that is to try to eat meat. That’s what I need to do and I know that because that’s how I feel. I’ve educated myself enough to know that some meat consumption is probably not going to have any ill affects on me. I actually see responsible meat consumption as being better than eating massive amounts of wheat and soy replacements in regards to health. I always hear, “There’s so many good alternatives to replace animal products,” which is true but also, no. Eating mass amounts of soy and gluten based products isn’t healthy and for someone like me who is struggling with health issues, consuming those things in such a large amount will not do anything to help me heal.

I have been in a vegan bubble for 5 years. Vegan restaurants, which are still 10/10, vegan friends, I’ve built everything that this website is off of vegan related things. It’s not like I’m going to be completely changing things, but I know that I need to be honest about this journey for myself and for those who are going through the same thing. Because that’s the thing, this is much more popular than I believe is realized. People who have plastered themselves with the vegan label realize that it’s not working for them, for whatever reason. And that’s okay, but the vegan community can be so harsh that it’s absolutely terrifying to share what you’re going through.

I don’t have an answer for how to handle this. But I’m doing it the best that I can. And all I’m saying is that if you harshly judge people for what they eat then you need to take a long look at yourself. I’ve been in both shoes and now I see things so much differently than I did as a new vegan wanting to share the message. I get both sides. But when you spend an entire year sick then you’ll try things you thought you’d never do. Well at least I will.

This is just a post to share that I’m no longer vegan. I’m eating meat again. It sounds like not a big deal when I type it but it’s kind of a big deal to me. I’m not sure if it’s helping me yet, it’s too early to tell. But I’m trying to heal and I’m hoping that it is something that can help progress me further down the healing path.

If you have any (nice, genuine) questions, please reach out. Please don’t reach out if you’re going to suggest I didn’t “do veganism right,” that I need to try to remove oil, or something else along those lines. I’ve tried tons of diets within the vegan diet. I’m aware of all of the vegan doctors, documentaries, and research conducted. This is my choice and it has been a tough one. I welcome curiosity and non-judgemental questions or comments. Also, be on the lookout for future posts as I document this journey on the other side of a big part of my life. Thanks for reading. xx