Accepting Where I Am

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It’s Memorial Day weekend, Sunday afternoon, and I’m sitting here alone and feeling down.

I’m a planner. I plan out everything. It makes life smooth, less stressful. I love it. I was planning for this weekend a few weeks ago. There was an event that I really wanted to go to and I’ve been looking forward to it ever since I found out about it through a Facebook invite.

This event was something special. All vegan goodies along with some local artists. Food and creativity, count me in all day long.

So I plan for this thing. Since I live 90 minutes outside of the city it’s not like I can hop on my bike and be there in 10 minutes. Great fantasy thought, but nope. I plan and Darrin and I go yesterday. Off we go. I’m ready to eat all the food. I had a light breakfast and everything. Preparation. We show up and something doesn’t seem right so we take a seat outside and I pull up Facebook just to check. I come to find that we’re a day early. The event is tomorrow. OKAY.

I’m immediately mad and upset. I wanted to go to this SO BAD. It’s kind of like when you come home with groceries every Friday afternoon and the dogs know that they’re going to get a treat that you brought from the store. They bounce around, huff and puff, and nothing else in the world matters as much as the treat that they’ll be getting in a few seconds.

That’s how I felt about this event. The only difference is that I’m not actually going to get that treat because I messed up. Kind of like if I was the dog in the story and I thought the humans were bringing home the groceries and it was Friday. It wasn’t actually Friday though, it was Thursday and the bags that the humans are carrying happen to be clothes from a great sale at the mall.

Whoops.

And that’s not to say that the day was awful after that. It wasn’t awful at all. We actually had a pretty good day. But the fact that I missed something so anticipated clouds my feelings and perception.

So I’m sitting here outside and the event is going on 90 minutes away from me right now. I could have picked up and went alone but I didn’t want to have that experience by myself. Alone is great in a ton of ways for me. This isn’t one of them though.

I’ve done all of the things to try to make myself feel better. Biked, mediated, ate pizza, did some mediocre yoga, wrote in my notebook, took the dogs for a walk. Still over here feeling like a deflated balloon.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that and it’s brought me to the conclusion that if I have made many attempts at snapping out of my bad mood to feel better without success then I am just going to let myself be in my bad mood.

It’s fine, totally fine.

And it really is. I’ve made solid efforts to feel better and they didn’t work for some reason. Maybe to write this post, or maybe for some reason that will come after this. There’s something that isn’t letting me accept how things are, yet. It’ll come and I have faith that the time for it will come soon. Until then I am going to be nice to myself and not be frustrated with still feeling upset. That will only bring more negative feelings upon me.

Moral of the story: It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to feel how you feel. Especially when you make attempts at feeling better and they remain unsuccessful. It’s okay. During these times practice patience and kindness towards yourself. Allow yourself to be okay with the fact that you’re not okay right now. Feelings are just feelings. They come and they’ll go. But while they’re here, try to let them be and work with them so that you’re able to work through them with more ease.

Today’s Mantra: You’re exactly where you are right now because that’s where you need to be.