Goodbye, for now

It's a chilly Saturday morning. The ground is crisp with dew from the dropping temperatures of autumn in Pennsylvania. I lay under a bunch of blankets in bed wearing an Eeyore onsie form a cheap Black Friday sale at Walmart the past year.

On this late October morning I had a revelation. Yeah, I know how that sounds. But it’s true and here’s what happened.

As you may or may not know, I started Create N Plate, which is a vegan recipe blog. When I started the blog I was so excited about it. I loved it and I was proud of what I created. That was in 2013. Sitting here now in 2015 I feel a bit differently. I am still proud of what I have created and accomplished on that site. It still means very much to me and I don’t think I could ever give it up. But with that being said, things have changed. I have changed. Actually I’m constantly changing and so are you. But this change is bigger, more important, and revolutionary than anything else I have experienced thus far in this journey of life.

For me 2013 was a life changing year. Big things happened. I went to California with some friends in March, quit my job and started Create N Plate in April, signed up for Strala Yoga training in May, removed gluten and meat from my diet in July, went vegan in August, and spent a lot of time running around NYC with some very inspiring yogi’s in September and October. I was all about my website back then. I’d tell strangers in the aisles of Whole Foods about it. From that period of time in 2013 to now something shifted. I haven’t realized it until now but I became less passionate about Create N Plate.

I went vegan very quickly after learning about animal agriculture. Once I went vegan I became obsessed with finding good vegan recipes and creating my own to share. I wanted everyone to see how delicious vegan food could be. It’s so much more than salads and if I would have realized that earlier on in my life then that could have even opened me up to veganism sooner. I recognized this and I knew that I had to share. So I did. I created recipe after recipe. I spent hours researching different things I could make and how to do it. Then I’d go in the kitchen and see what I could come up with. I kept this going for almost all of 2014 until I realized something that slowed me down a bit. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough as a vegan.

When you go vegan you are opened up to so many heartbreaking things. You learn about a lot of bad things that you have contributed to all your life and you so desperately want to make it all stop. But you can’t. You can only change your own actions and try to positively spread the message to others. This was hard for me to accept. Sometimes it still is. And that is what inspires me to do more. Late 2014 when I realized that I needed to do more as a vegan I didn’t know what I wanted to do or how to go about it. I just knew that it needed to happen. Looking back I realize that this is when I stopped promoting Create N Plate. I slowly started to see it as less of a priority. I researched, talked, and thought about what I could do differently. I came up with nothing that I felt drawn to.

This went on for a good amount of time. In January of 2015 I almost deleted my website completely. Instead I was honest with what I was going through and I slowed down on posting a lot. All year I would continue to have a rollercoaster relationship with my own creation. I talked to my boyfriend, Darrin, a lot about how it all made me feel. He kept reassuring me to not quit or delete it. I also talked to a close friend about it. We were driving one day and he asked me about the site. I told him how I was feeling and that I wanted to delete it. He simply asked, “Why would you do that? What makes you feel that way?” I didn’t know how to answer him. People didn’t usually ask me questions and I didn’t know what made me feel that way exactly. We talked a bit more about it and I learned so much about my feeling from those two questions. They made me think a lot about things and this is what I have concluded from it all.

I am here to do more. I want to share more, to create more, to connect more, and to learn more. Recipe blogs are awesome, inspiring, and all around amazing. The people behind those pretty food pictures are hard working and talented people. I am uplifted by them each and everyday and I have gotten to the point I’m at now because of passionate recipe bloggers. But here’s the thing, my purpose is to do more. How do I know this? I’m not sure. But I feel it and I know it’s true.

After a year of me repeatedly telling Darrin how I wanted to delete my website I’ve finally expressed it in a way that helped him understand.

"I think I’m on the right path. I just need to decide which trees I want to water and grow taller than other ones. Like I’m walking on a beautiful path through the forest and I am surrounded by so many beautiful trees; veganism, physical health, education, forms of creativity, mental health, environment, animal agriculture education, social media influence, exercise, vulnerability, gender equality, consumerism, human connection, yoga, meditation, judgment, being present, travel, etc. and I need to decide if I should focus on taking care of a few of the trees and helping them grow big enough for more people to see or if I should try to water them equally and help them all grow over a longer period of time. I feel like I’m using Round Up though. Because I have so many beautiful trees but by spraying the Round Up I’m killing all of the pretty little flowers (details) that allow the whole forest to look so beautiful and I want to allow every tree to be able to flourish and grow big enough to allow others who come across it to want to learn more about the tree and soon become inspired by it’s detail and beauty.”

And this is where the journey begins. I’m not sure what exactly I am going to create and where you will be able to join me in my creations. But it’s happening. A shift is happening for me, and soon it’s going to be shared with you as well.

“Alone we can accomplish many great things. Together we can change the world.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

After I wrote that this morning I went about my day and had another event happen that had me feeling very conflicted about what to do. (Funny how things like that work.)

I think this is the end of Create N Plate. I made all of my posts since 2013 on here private. They're not deleted but they're not visible anymore either. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them yet. I might put them back up in a few days just to keep them here for you guys to use. I'm not sure what I'm doing with this site yet either. I don't think I can go back to the way it was though. Yesterday I was so excited about the future of this site. I have my November recipes and posts all planned out and everything. But I think it's time to let it go and to move on. I'm sad about it but I think I need to do it. I won't be disappearing forever. But I need to go away for a bit and figure out how to put out the content that I want to put out.

Thank you all for reading and following along on this Create N Plate journey. You all have inspired me and mean so much to me. Much love. xo